this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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