Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
