Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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