the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.