So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Green mimosas i think yes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.