I just threw up on my dentist
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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