my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.