so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
