So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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