i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
