I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
