someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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