I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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