I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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