Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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