Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish you could order shots online.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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