T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
