Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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