i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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