but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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