i need an iv and a liver transplant
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
