Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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