Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
