Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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