I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
