she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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