Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
