Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
