Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
