ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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