dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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