i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
