If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
