I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
