I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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