im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My cat gives me a boner
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
