yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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