Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
