Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
