Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
