Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I will be naked everywhere
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
