Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
