You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize