How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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