how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize