but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
