everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
