Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
