Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
