u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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