drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
