I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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