I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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