okay pat passed out under dana's car
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
