And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your penis caused this!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
