Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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