I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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