I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we're making bets on your personal life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
