He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have aggressive nipples.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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