I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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