I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
