You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
