So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
