covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
