so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
