I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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