I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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