About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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