Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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