Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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