listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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