Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
