Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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