dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
