a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
