Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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